I didnt want to leave. But it wasnt up to me. This was a group effort. An idea born on Thanksgiving. We decided the folks needed some time alone. So we all made plans to scram the day after Christmas. That doesnt mean I couldnt have stayed. It just means I wouldve fucked things up. Its been a trying year for mom and dad. What with Hanna going all psycho. Dads group being deployed to Hurricane Katrina. Experiencing the horror first hand. Then taking on the homeless victims. The folks need this time for themselves.

So here I am. Back at the house. All alone. I feel like calling Kaya. But that wouldnt be wise. Clearly Im not over her. Even though I pretend that I am. Im glad I didnt swing by today. Saturday was hard enough. She looked so yummy in those sweats. I was so hungry for her.

I really wish I was at home. With the folks. With the girls. Having them fuss over me. Take care of me. It was so nice these past few days. So much love. It reminded me of when we were young. The good old days. No obligations. No worries. Just coloring books and dolls.

I spoke with Lizzy last night. I finally got the courage. I told her what I saw. She said she wondered about that. About how I got up to Hannas room. She was going to ask me about it. But I didnt bring it up. So she figured I didnt see anything. As for leaving the door open. She thought it was safe. She said she wasnt expecting anyone. The folks were out visiting friends. But she wasnt worried about them. They always park in the garage. The sound of the garage door gives them away. True. But its best to be careful. I told her to always close the door. Always lock it.

Thats it. Thats all we discussed. I just told her to be careful. Then I gave her a big hug. Then mom called us to dinner. Everything went back to normal. I didnt ask her if she had feelings for Maria. I figured I got what I wanted. Whatever this thing is between them. She doesnt want anyone to find out. Especially the folks. Thats all I was concerned about. I know thats a bit selfish. But I need to be selfish right now.