Ive been In bed since Sunday morning. Sleep has been relatively easy. I have Nyquil in my arsenal. But I dont feel tired anymore. So I have to get up. But when I get up I feel tired. My body is still weak.

Ive been dreading going home. Thanksgiving was perfect. The folks were so nice to me. They didnt ignore me. It felt like old times. Before I was outed. Back when we were a whole family. But Im afraid to go back. Im afraid it was all a dream.

Yet I know I cant stay here. They dont know about the pneumonia. But theyll figure something is wrong. I told them I would be there Thursday. This was before I got sick. I wanted to spend time with Holly. Go shopping and do stuff. But Ive been too tired until now. Tomorrow is the last day. She and her mom are leaving. Christmas at the grandparents.

I need to get out of bed. I need to change the sheets. I had a burst of sexual energy this afternoon. The receptionist invaded my mind once again. I fantasized that were back at the doctors office. In the exam room. She was bent at the hips. Her wrists were chained to the wall. I was behind her. Strapped-on. Fucking her. She kept calling my name. The way she did when called me to go in. Then all the nurses showed up.