I wake up from the nightmare. Theres someone downstairs. Theyre knocking on the door. Its an incessant rhythmic knocking. Who the fuck is it? It cant be the old people. They left yesterday morning. I get up. Strain my ears. But the knocking fades. So I go back to bed. Close my eyes. But then the knocking returns. That rhythmic pounding. It fills my ears completely. I suddenly realize what it is. Its my heart. The sound of my blood.

The knocking was a result of the nightmare. Its potency was heightened by my weak heart. Eventually it faded. But the images from my nightmare didnt. Images of the two of them. On the beach. Doing things with each other. Sexual things.

Ive been trying to drown those images. Thinking about what happened yesterday. Yesterday was monumental. I finally went out. Escaped my attic prison. I thought for sure Id wither and die up here. Ive been shut-in for eleven days. Isolated from the outside world. Drowning in grief. Swimming in self pity. Jenna disrupted that for me. She came up here after the old people left. She was alone. Lexis wont be back till next month.

She said I looked like shit. I didnt argue. She on the other hand looked hot. Olive green shorts. A tight gray tank. Nipples protruding. I told her what happened. About Kaya and me. I didnt care that she knew. I wanted someone to feel sorry for me. Someone other than Perfect Girl. I needed a hug. Not the kind Perfect Girl gives. Perfect Girl is still on vacation. She hugs me. But its in emails and phone. Its not the same as a real hug. I needed someone to physically hold me.

Jenna did that yesterday. She held me. It felt good. It was what I needed. Then she dragged me out of my room. She said I needed to get out. I didnt argue. We went to the mall. But my body couldnt handle it. Half hour into it I was exhausted. So we went to her sisters place. They let me crash on the sofa. I woke up in the afternoon. Her sisters friend was there. She was changing her baby girl. The child was crying up a storm. Then something weird happened. The woman started licking the girl. She was licking her daughters pussy. I thought I was dreaming. But I wasnt. She kept licking until her daughter stopped crying. Then she finished changing her.

Jenna didnt think anything of it. Neither did her sister. They acted like it was nothing. I asked Jenna on the way home. Did I see what I thought I saw? She told me I did. I told her that it looked like incest and pedophilia. She looked at me weird. Gave me a frown. Then told me it was harmless. Her friend did that to calm the baby. Then she added it was a common technique. Mostly used to calm cranky babies. Or to put them to sleep.

A common technique? How common? I mean did that happen to me? I have this memory. I was really young. Still in diapers. Surrounded by a bunch of girls. They were looking down at me. Cooing at me. I felt something down there. At my pussy. It was wet and warm. It felt really good. I think it made me pee.