She came by Sunday morning. Unannounced. The house was empty. No old people. It would have been easy to send her away. But she wasnt alone. Mati was with her. The child rushed in. Wrapped her tiny arms around me. She was so damn happy to see me. I couldnt turn her away.

We stayed downstairs. I didnt want to bring them up here. Not with all the kleenex strewn about. I took them out back. Mati played with the pool toys. We watched from the deck lounges. Actually I watched. Kaya was distracted. She looked pained. I guess I didnt look so hot. Yeah crying will do that. She got off of her lounge. Kneeled next to mine. Stroked my cheek. Tried to hug me. But it was awkward.

Mati wanted to go swimming. She kept bugging us. I told them it was ok. Kaya didnt know what to do. I told her to go ahead. It was ok. I didnt need to be watched. They stripped down to their underwear. Jumped into the pool. Splashing and giggling. Kaya looked amazing. I hungered for her so much. I almost joined them. But I controlled myself. Stayed on the deck lounge.

They got out. Curled up on the opposite lounge. A perfect picture. Mother and daughter. They actually do look a lot alike. We barely spoke. I focused my attention on Mati. She was adorable. She came over to me. Asked me if I wanted to play. I told her it was too hot. So she fanned me with a coaster. Up and down my body. It sounded like a helicopter. Fading in and out. It put me to sleep.

Kaya woke me later. She bought food. Insisted that I eat. I took a couple bites. Told her I would finish it later. There was an awkward silence. Then she started it up. I didnt want to discuss it anymore. I told her to stop. There was no need to rehash it. I understood her reasons. She got that pained look on her face again.

We just sat there. It was just so fucking awkward. I finally told her I was tired. She took the clue. We hugged. Then they left. Probably the last time I ever see her. Its just too painful to continue this way.