I bumped into Jay last night. Kayas big Samoan friend. It was after clubbing. We went for some cocoa. He was there with his friends. He greeted me with a big hug. Picked me up off the ground. I think I bruised some ribs. Then he said he was sorry about Kaya. He said it in front of everyone. I gave him a hard look. He didnt say anymore. Nobody picked up on it. Christina helped. She quickly ogled the one of the servers. Taking attention away from me.

Jay caught me as we were leaving. Pulled me aside. He said he was sorry for blurting that out. He knows Im still in the closet. But he truly was sorry about Kaya and me. He said that we were good together. That I was good for her. Better than Tessa. He said Tessa is a conniving bitch. His words. Not mine.

Seeing him reminded me of Mary. It made me sad. I came home. Took a sedative. Woke up and drove out here. The folks were still asleep. I found Maria in the kitchen. It was an akward moment. For me. Not her. She was bubbly as ever. I wanted to push her up against the wall. Wrap my fingers around her throat. Remind her that Lizzy is my baby sister. Then tell her "you breaka her heart I breaka you face." But I didnt. I just nodded. Then I went upstairs. I guess Lizzy hasnt told her. About me catching them kissing.

Its late afternoon. The folks are busy outside. Dad is manning the grill. Mom is making margaritas. People are floating in. I should make my way down.