Kaya is back. She arrived last week. She and Mati. Theyre staying at her sisters place. She called this week. But I couldnt talk. I was focused on finals. I didnt want any distractions.

Things have been quiet between us. We havent spoken much in the past month. Ever since I was hospitalized. She doesnt know about that. The hospitalization. Nobody does. Not even my folks. I was too scared to tell anyone. Too embarrassed to reveal my stupidity. The only one that knows is Perfect Girl. Dont know what Id do without her. She visited me each day. Took care of all the paperwork. I owe her big time.

No one else needs to know about this. I blame myself for what happened. I knew better. Bingeing and purging. Starving your body. It fucks up your insides. Weakens your heart. Telling the folks wont help. Maybe after Im better. After Im all healed. Then I can tell them. But not right now. Right now theres no upside.

I dont know about Kaya. I dont know how she feels about us. I guess we will see tomorrow. I need to clean up. This place is a mess. All of this paperwork. My hospital bill was huge. Thank heavens for the HMO. Or else Id be out some serious cash.