|
Inspired by Anna the babysitter
Latest Entry Older Stuff Links Page My Profile Diaryland Floor Play Broken Dyke Dyke Inside Glass Box Girl Got Crush I Am Learning Katherine Lily White Lost Unfound Pale Purple Saranade Violent Skies Wiggle Stick < Anal Sex > r < Eat Pussy > r < Dr. Pepper > r < Lesbian > r < Kinky Sex > r < Liz Phair > r < RachelGreen > r < Sex Stories > r |
10/21/2003 - 4:11 am Alexis was sent this story. She forwarded it to me. Its a love story between Jessie of Once & Again and Rory of Gilmore Girls. I think its very well written. Beautiful rainI want it to rain. Sometimes back home in Winnetka I would hear the rain falling gently on the attic roof above me and I'd sit up all night just to listen to its gentle sound, desperately wanting to run off into it and let it wash my troubles away. I don't remember wanting the rain so much as I do now, because I'm filthy from this new life, and a love that's mixed up my entire world. I recall getting caught in the rain when I was about six or seven and I just stood there, arms up and face to the sky, my childish worries disappearing with the rain in a second. I used to dream about that moment all the time, but now it's just a thought in the back of my head, a faded memory that I bring up to compensate for the fact that I'm too old to do that anymore. Chicago didn't have a month without some sort of rain, so I'm beginning to think that the sun is a permanent fixture in the sky here. That would be just my luck. Too much of a good thing is always bad in my books, and I always seem to fuck things up when everything's okay. The weather is perfect and balmy and my friendship with Rory was blooming till my feelings for her shifted into the love gear. I want to wash away her bright smile that always silences me, the laughter that rings in my ears when she's not there, and every one of her little mannerisms, especially her whacky ability to pull pop culture references from nowhere. But mostly I want to wash away this love away from me, a love that's confused and scared the crap out of me. I want it to fall to the ground, soak itself into the dirt and never be felt again. It's a full moon tonight and I'm waiting for her to arrive home from the weekly dinner she has with her grandparents and mother. It's cold and I'm regretting not wearing more clothing in this freezing wind. You'd think I would've learned from last Friday, but I'm a sucker for punishment. The chilly weather reminds me of the icy reception I got from Emily when I crashed their dinner plans. Luckily for me, Rory has a funny way of giving away most of your personal details without a moments hesitation, as well as adding in a few of her own white lies. Honesty, she wouldn't have to stretch the truth very far for me. I guess her grandparents are good people and have their daughter and grand-daughters best interests at heart, which is going to make it that much harder when they discover how I really see their grand-daughter. I've begun to tolerate them and it's hard to leave the things and people you've grown used to behind. I know I love her, but sometimes love isn't a big and grand feeling, especially when your parents have set you their highest ideals, the biggest goals and have firmly told you what is wrong and right. Granted, we both are dealing with single mothers as our parents, because our fathers are off in the middle of nowhere playing happy families with their new women, but I still feel as if I have to live up to Dads high opinion of me. I still feel the uncertainty of when I fell in love the first time. That didn't last and it had nothing to do with moving to Stars Hollow. It had something to do with the fact that I put peoples needs in front of my own, and that I can't let go of the fact that being in love with another girl is wrong. That was the problem back home, and that is the problem here. There was a downpour the night Katie called the last time with the news that she couldn't deal with it anymore. I snuck outside and sat in the rain all night, crying to myself and wondering why the shards of water weren't washing away my heartache. If it were raining tonight, I'd stay here in the rain out of view and wait for it all to go away. I'd still stay when Rory came home, just to allow her to keep living in her peaceful world, where the boys love her, and her family loves her, and everything is picture perfect. Last night I was here, waiting for her in the chilly wind, braving the cold for a glimpse of my angel. I saw her eventually at midnight, which put me out of my curfew by almost an hour. Mum replaced the glow I was feeling from seeing Rory with a sharp anger that is filling me tonight. By loving Rory I have destroyed the remaining relationship I had with my mother. She has her new life with Henry who is failing miserably in the discipline department. I hate him, as much as anyone can hate another person, because he took my mother away from me, and stole her love for me and has claimed it as his own. I'm not loved like I was before. I used to be pretty popular in school, there were a couple of boys after me too, and even my evil stepmother Lily was on my side, but the love for me has all turned to dust. This place isn't normal. The local diner has a sign out the front that says `Edwards Hardware', and the people don't even lock their front doors at night. It's almost like I'm Tobey Maguire in Pleasantville. She makes my life better, or at least what I have left of it. I love her because she can look past this `loner' tag I've been given by the town and see the lost and vulnerable side of me. She doesn't expect a thing from me, like my mother and Henry do, she just enjoys that I'm in her company. That is what I've needed for so long, just to be allowed in the presence of someone without having to be on my best behaviour. I've laid on her bed just listening to her read and felt the warmth and comfort of her spirit, and pictured the calm and peace her love would give me if only she was making love to me right there in her bed. My shrink once said that my relationship with Katie was merely raging teenage hormones, and that it wasn't real love. I don't have a clue if I believed that then, or if I believe it now, but I know that this time, this love for Rory, is as real as the blood rushing through my veins or the ground that I sit on. I feel it right in my dead soul, it's within my damaged mind, and it's the reason behind every breath I take. Dad would be disappointed if he knew how I've turned out. He doesn't talk with Mum as much now because of the long distance calls which I'm grateful for, because I don't think I could deal with another adult in my life telling me what's exactly wrong with me. I already know what's wrong with me, I don't need my father in my ear explaining it in depth. He's got his perfect new daughter on the way to pass his God given wisdom's on to, he can teach her to be his perfect angel, cause his last one fucked up big time because she's let an insane love swallow her whole. I snuck out tonight for this insane love. I wonder if she knows how lucky she really is. Take away her absent father from the equation, and she's fucking Brady bunch material. But I suppose she never really had him in the first place, and you can't miss what you never had. I didn't have that luxury. She has her mother and her grandparents, the boyfriend and even the guy on the side. Jess. The guys even got my name. He's got her thoughts, has had them ever since I arrived here. Her thoughts drift to him while she's with me. I know he's the reason why she refuses to call me by my first name. Instead it's `Shorty' or `Short stuff Sammler', or any other reference to my height. Hey, there's another imperfection. She can look straight over my head, and it makes me wonder if I've fallen for taller girls because they're essentially looking down on me. It's some weird inferior complex psychobabble that my shrink would've advised me on. Mum wants me to see a shrink here in Stars hollow, and she's taken the opportunity to even book an appointment with a friend of Henry's. I've already planned to skip it, catch a bus to Hartford and sit in Public Library. Something educational so Mum can't totally go postal. I think I'd sit and wait for a bus to hit me first before I ever let anyone else pick my brain apart again. The stars are bright tonight, and I wonder how much it costs to buy one to name it after her. She'd probably think it was really cheesy and tasteless, but I think it would be kind of romantic. Unfortunately it's too much of a reminder of Cher in the 80's. Yuck. I haven't sung a note in a while, not since Mum said we were moving with Henry to a small town where the people were all nutcases. Well, she obviously didn't say that but my mind has a tendency to ad lib her comments. Singing was for the times when I was happy, and that emotion has left me. Life isn't as peachy as it used to be now that my passion lies in a cruel heartache that won't let me sleep at night. I saw Rory at Lukes the other afternoon and the first thing she said to me, before a hello or any other form of greeting, was `So, we're going for the Stuart Townsend look, then?' I can't remember if I said anything after that, but I would've already been preoccupied with trying to keep my heart from pounding a way out of my chest. God know its was floating in my coffee the moment she briefly touched my hand and told me to get some rest before I fainted in exhaustion. I wasn't going to faint from that. Sleep just seems like a foreign action to me, a distant memory in the back of my head that I can't clearly recall. There's no dream or nightmare that I'm trying to escape, I just don't see the point of sleeping anymore. It's a hell of a way to live, but it's given me time to discover a love of poetry I didn't think I would ever have. I was never much of a reader during school, mainly because the stuff we had to read was crap, but over the past week I've read verses by Wordsworth, Edgar Alan Poe, Sylvia Plath and Emily Dickinson, and they've been a blessing from life. I'm thankful of something from Stars Hollow High and that's their library. I wasn't bothered in there, but I haven't been in almost a week. I haven't been to school in the last week because of that snitch of a librarian, but with a mother like mine, you have to pretend that your routine's the same. I head to school under her watchful eye, but take a bus into Hartford and wander around the city, or sit in the park with my note book and a `borrowed' library book. I spent the Friday afternoon before I intentionally gatecrashed the Gilmore dinner by sitting in the Hartford City Church, gazing up at the ceiling, praying for love to come my way, praying with all my heart to God, who I couldn't decide if I believed in or not. The time to myself is a welcome relief from Mum, Henry, the teachers and especially my fellow students. I kept my distance from them on my first day at Stars Hollow High, and the distance fused in my brain. In the back of my mind was the pain of having allowed myself to get hurt by loving someone. I wasn't going to let it happen anytime soon, so I stayed away from everyone. Rory told me it was Dean who initially sparked her interest in me. He's a sweet guy I suppose, but a bit of bore. I've got, or had, a few classes with him and he was one of the attentive students. He doesn't come off intellectually smart but at least he paid attention and occasionally answered a question or two. I just sat down in my seat at the back of the class and stared out the window. That part of him reminds me of myself a year ago. He must've mentioned that I was a little on the weird side, quiet and withdrawn, because the next time she was in the diner she sat down at my corner table and interrupted my quiet reading time with Slipknot in my ears. I caught the somewhat concerned looks her mother kept passing in our direction, like Rory was talking to something that belonged on the bottom of her shoes. Lorelai cleared that a couple of weeks later when she sat me down and said she was wary of me, but she knew Rory was a good judge of character and that her daughter was free to be friends with anyone she chose. There was still a hint of a tone that said `you hurt my daughter or permanently ruin her life, and you're as good as dead', but I know that was only because she thought I was a good for nothing school drop out with no future. You can't be insulted by the truth though, so I said that Rory was going to be okay. Parents think the best of their kids and sometimes the kids think that their only option is to keep their parents happy by playing along. I know I'm still doing this with Dad, as I have done since I could remember. Mum, however, is recognising that my little world has fallen apart, and she's trying to fix it promptly with Henry's helping hand. I don't want to play happy families with them, because it's not my family. Henry is not Dad and I don't know who my mother is anymore. I know two strangers better than I know my own flesh and blood, and it's frightening that I don't want to change that at all. Word spreads quickly in this town, and it's bound to get back to my mother that I'm missing my glorious academic schooling. She'll start driving me to school and dragging me into class, probably sitting in there to make sure I don't sneak out. It's humorous to think that if Lorelai did the same thing, Rory would be none the wiser. Of course Rory wouldn't be skipping Chilton and sitting in the diner drinking coffee that she has no way of paying for with a book by Sylvia Plath that she's not reading because she's thinking of the smooth skin of the girl next door and pretending its against her own. Not Rory at all. PG-13 thoughts only. I suppose that purity was what drew me to her in the first place. I know now that she has her moments when she's not the bright innocent spark I first saw, and those moments are getting increasingly popular in her head. Mariano tends to be cause of these moments and that annoys me, because there's not much difference between him and me. We've got the same name, we're both a little bit enigmatic, we're both secret fans of literature underneath the James Dean-Kurt Cobain exterior, and we're both in love with the same girl. But at least she's reluctantly returned the favour to love him back, despite the obvious presence of a boyfriend. I think I'd be content to leave her alone if she was happy with Dean, but she doesn't know who she wants in her life, and that gives me the slight hope that I might be able to be the one she wants. If she were happy with the one-man show, I wouldn't be sitting here in the freezing cold gladly risking being grounded for life just for a minute with her. For a moment to tell her that she's the most amazing person I know, and that I love her more than I'll ever be able to show. So that's the conclusion I've come to. I can be option C, just as Dean's her option A and Mariano is her option B. I think she needs to stop her stalling and rid herself of the confusion in her life by choosing someone. I think if it was raining here in Stars Hollow, I'd cry because I know there's too much of her socialite grandparents and over-protective mother inside her mind and soul that will choose any other option than C for her. She'll think she's chosen someone, but really it's society and her family that has made the decision. I close my eyes just as the bright lights of her mother's jeep reach where I sit, and feel the first drops of water dig into my skin. I'm somehow aware that the sky is cloudless and the stars are bright, but all that matters is my heart is heavy with a pain that won't wash away. End of part 1. If you like the story send Amy your appreciation at [email protected] |
The New House (Crystals Place)
Me - (Back Bedroom) - Blonde hair. Brown eyes. 5' 7" 32B - 23 - 34. Closet lesbian. Crude but sweet. Crystal - (Master Bedroom) - Curly black hair. Brown eyes. Tall. Big boobies. Wide curvy hips. Bisexual. She owns the place. Sherry - (Front Bedroom) - Short blonde hair. Blue eyes. Short. Pert boobies. Bubble butt. Very cute. Very playful. Bisexual. Bridget - (Side Bedroom) - Short brown hair. Brown eyes. Short. Big boobies. Trim curvy hips. Mischievious. Bisexual. Kaitlyn - (The Loft) - Long curly blonde hair. Green eyes. Tight athletic body. Pert boobies. Slim hips. Bisexual. Very uninhibited. The Old House (Eunices Place) Me - (Attic room) Heather - (Downstairs den) - Blond hair. Blue eyes. Same height. Champagne flute titties. Wide curvy hips. Definitely straight. Lexis - (Upstairs Rm 1) - Black hair. Blue eyes. Tall and thin. Pert boobies. Closet lesbian. She and Jenna are together. Jenna - (Upstairs Rm 2) - Looks like Fiona Apple. Brown hair. Brown eyes. Pert boobies. Trim curvy hips. Closet lesbian. She and Lexis are together. Lena - (Upstairs Rm 3) - Short curly black hair. Brown eyes. Short supple body. Loud. Funny. Flirt. Definitely bisexual. Past Conquests Kaya - Beautiful. Fun. Sexy. Catherine Bell with smaller pert boobs and slimmer hips. Renee - First girlfriend. I was young. I thought she loved me. She didnt. She only wanted sex. Mandy - Revenge sex. She had an ass fetish. She loved my ass. Lisa - Beautiful redhead. Really hot sex. But I was under age. So she broke up with me. Martina - Mostly sex. She wanted Candace. Candace - Manipulative bitch. But good sex. Peripherals The Girl - A friend. A fellow student. Beautiful. But unattainable. Christina (Perfect Girl) - Beautiful face. Perfect body. Compassionate soul. My best friend. Hanna and Lizzy - aka the girls. My beautiful younger sisters. I love them to pieces. |